Sweet Valley High #7 – Dear Sister (or Head Injuries 101)

This was literally one of my favorite books growing up.

It starts out with Elizabeth Wakefield glamorously coma-struck following a motorcycle accident. I was probably 10 when I read this book, and OH MY GOD how I wanted to be in a coma. My in-depth medical knowledge told me that it was like sleeping, but with all kinds of dramatics like hospitals and doctors and stuff. Also, when you wake up and start acting just like your identical twin sister – and polar opposite – Jessica, no one really blinks an eye. Your parents totally buy you a sexy nightgown and a new green bikini and other neat outfits. Also, you have permission to be a sudden slut and plagiarist, ignore all your responsibilities and use your gossip column in the school newspaper to forward your suddenly slutty agenda.

So, who else could use a little Sweet Valley High coma right now?

But I digress.

While Elizabeth is whoring around the school, ignoring her nerdfriends and super-loyal boyfriend Todd, our resident sociopath Jessica is forced into performing household chores! It doesn’t stop there, either! Apparently there is some kind of Sweet Valley city ordinance stating that only one Wakefield twin at a time can be slutty and self-obsessed. This cruel twist of fate forces Jessica to pretend to care about someone other than herself and *gasp* wear conservative outfits!

Comas are all kinds of fun until someone gets hurt, aren’t they??

The true message in this story is one of balance. For every slut who wears a low-cut blouse and allows herself to be groped drunkenly by Bruce Patman, another girl must cover her breasts, abstain from alcohol and chastely perform household chores. There cannot be two drunken sluts at any given time. Ok, just kidding. The cast of Jersey Shore totally disproved THAT theory!

Anyhow, everything turns out OK. We learn the time-tested cure for blunt force trauma-induced personality disorders… You know, another smack on the head reverses it. Also, to protect the fragile virgin mind of Elizabeth Wakefield, she totally doesn’t remember how she was about to do the nasty with Bruce Patman! She also doesn’t remember that drinking is fun. Bummer.

I loved this book, and you will too!

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